“….if i am watched?”

اگر مجھے دیکھا جاتا ہے۔

What if i am watched for a few seconds ? i wonder why ?

What if i am watched for a few minutes ? i start looking around me if i am the only one being watched ?

What if i am watched for an hour ? in that case i will never know how long i am actually being watched ?

What if i am watched for a day ? that means i am important enough to be surveilled ?

What if i am watched for a month ? i am definitely a person of interest to someone ?

What if i am watched for a year ? i surely start thinking i am delusional and might do something to myself ?

What if i am watched for my entire life ? I am in paradise, i am Kashmiri.

“If i am watched” is not an illusion.

Kashmir, conveniently and commonly called the ‘problem child’ of India, has lived through four long decades of turmoil with political unrest and insurgency that has invariably resulted in the escalation of stress related disorders, psychiatric illnesses and psychosocial disturbances.

Most recently, Kashmir has fallen on hard times since 2019, as the central government under the harsh right wing authoritative BJP regime abrogated Article 370 that revoked Jammu & Kashmir’s special status, which gives the state unique powers under the article, but the incumbent government's absolute disdain and robust shift in attitude towards this article ensured a complete human and technological lockdown which further smothered their existence and any form of normalcy or consistency.

The 2019–2021 Kashmir lockdown was an authoritarian lockdown and communications blackout that had been imposed throughout the Indian-administered Kashmir from October 2019 which lasted until February 2021 with the internet back in the valley only in April 2021 - According to the government , the goal was to take preemptive measures to curb unrest, violence and protests, yet thousands of civilians, mostly young men, had and have been detained in the crackdown ever since.

Then with Covid hitting India, and restrictions in place, this lockdown became a double whammy for Kashmir already struggling with the humiliation after the abrogation, with basic freedom snatched under the authoritarian lockdown, complete tech blackout, no communication with the outside world ensued complete pandemonium, which increased psychological problems, leading to immense substance abuse which catapulted addictions to an all time high of 1500% increase between 2019-2022, taking the first spot from Punjab for the state with most substance abuse cases.

All these restrictive experiences are a harsh yet consistent reminder of the fragility of existence and a lack of connect with the rest of the world for kashmiri people, that they are brutally accustomed to with decades of turbulence they have endured and continue to each day.

I travel to Kashmir to try and comprehend these restrictions as i come from a different, "free" India where i don’t think twice before living, i just do, which i take for granted.

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